I'm extremely bored at work...
This man just came into my office because he was lost and looking for the poultry plant which he has an interview at today. The joint I work at isn't classy but if someone came in for an interview dressed like he was, I would have sent them packing. He had on a ratty, bright orange sweatshirt and warm up pants with holes in them. My boss was outside in the yard and when he saw this guy come in, he hurriedly told Itchie to get in my office to make sure I was ok. Yeah, that bad.
Speaking of this not so classy place I work at, not too long ago I finally had a lock installed on the women's bathroom. Between finding a syringe on the shelf and a pornographic picture in my trash can, I had had about enough. Not to mention that John uses the sink as his personal shower since he doesn't have water in his trailer and the countless times they have clogged it because they feel the need to use a whole roll of TP. Since that beautiful lock installation day, the maintenance guy has cleaned my bathroom and somehow gotten it to smell like a flower shop. It's like my own personal haven now. If I could get a phone line back there, I'd probably make it my office. The guys have all begged to be able to use it and have called it unfair that I get my own. I call it sweet, sweet victory. Now they are forced to use the bathroom they have succeeded in making worse than a sewer.
I went to Subway for lunch today and this morbidly obese man was in front of me in line. I am thinking he's there to become the next Jared and I'm silently cheering him on. Until he orders. A footlong BLT. Not a big deal at first. But then he asks for extra bacon. Subway artist adds 2 more bacon strips. He responds "MORE". This goes on until he has, no joke, like 25 bacon strips. He then asks for mayo. She asked if he wanted regular or lite. I almost wanted to answer for him. I should have. He said regular. So she puts the standard two swipes of mayo on and then I hear "MORE" again. Actually like 6 more times because once he had a river on one side of the bread, he asked for the same on the other side. I was contemplating leaving without my sandwich because I had lost my appetite. He then says he doesn't need a drink but instead needs 2 bags of chips and 4 cookies. Oh my lord. Gross.
I drove past this barn that was smoking today and it reminded me of something that happened last year. As I was driving to Paducah to meet Howard one day after work, I drove past a barn that looked like it was on fire. Smoke was pouring out of the roof and holes in the wooden slats. Instantly I was alarmed thinking poor cows and horses were going to burn to death. I used GPS on my phone to find the nearest fire station and called them. In a panic, I start to explain to her where I am and how this barn was about to burn down. She asks me a couple of questions about the location and the color of the barn and then calmly tells me that they are smoking tobacco in there. I reply that no way does smoking cigarettes cause that much smoke. She tells me I must not be from around here and that she meant they were hanging actual tobacco and smoking it to dry it out. I still don't believe her so I hang up and call the local police department. I get pretty much the same response but the woman who answered the phone took the time to explain the process of how tobacco becomes the tobacco you get in a cigarette. The lightbulb finally goes off and I get it. I'm such a genius sometimes.
hajhajhajhajhaj (Love you Amanda!)