Tuesday Ramblings

1. Last week I was walking Copper and texting at the same time. I was multi-tasking. Copper stopped to sniff at something and I didn't pay any attention. But when I tried to pull him to keep walking, he wouldn't budge. I looked down and I saw what Copper was sniffing at. A snake. A big, slimy, scaly snake. I screamed. OK, so the snake was like the width of my pinkie and 12 inches long but a snake is a snake. I couldn't stop shaking for an hour. I will not wear flip-flops while walking the dogs EVER again.

2. Hence my next point. After walking the dogs in tennis shoes the next morning, I kept them on to ride to work. I haven't worn anything but flip-flops for at least 6 months now. I noticed while driving that my back was not hurting in the slightest. The next day I wore flip-flops again, and the familiar ache came back. I happened to notice that I clinch my toes on my right foot when driving in flip-flops. Like tightly. I have no idea why. I'll realize what I am doing, make a conscience effort to stop but then two minutes later, I'll notice I've gone right back to clinching them. Anyhow, somehow it correlates to my back issues so I've been trying to wear shoes while driving.

3. The only major grocery store in Benton where I live is Walmart. I don't have any choice but to shop there. I now have an ongoing, overwhelming fear of showing up on this site: People of Walmart.

4. Saturday we went to BBQ on the River in downtown Paducah. It was extremely crowded since it rained most of Thursday and Friday and Saturday was the last day so everyone showed up. We know some guys who had a vendor booth there but we felt that since we always buy BBQ from them, we should eat elsewhere. We went to a booth called Highway Ribbery. The name made me giggle. While we were eating Howard and I were discussing what to say if Stacy and the other guys asked us where we ate. Right then I heard one of the guys call out to "Stacy", a girl working at the Highway Ribbery booth. I told Howard that we technically did buy BBQ from Stacy...

5. We were heading over to the bar after the BBQ so Howard texted the bartender to see if he wanted us to bring him anything. He didn't respond. Howard told me that he would probably text back as soon as we reached the car ten minutes away. And of course that's what happened. I laughed and kept walking towards the car but good-natured Howard said we had to go back. Have I mentioned it was sweltering hot outside? I went to the car and Howard went back and got two sandwiches from the real Stacy so we could say we bought something from them. He's a lot nicer then I am.

6. I was driving down a 35 mph road going about 40 after leaving BBQ on the River. All of a sudden, a cop swung out behind me, pulled up close behind me and turned on his lights. Seriously? I didn't do anything wrong. Nothing. Still it's just an awful feeling. I felt like everyone was pointing and laughing at me. Well, until I pulled over into the right lane to stop and he went on past me and pulled over the car in front of me. Then I was the one pointing and laughing.

7. An older man at the bar on Saturday asked me which college football team I was rooting for. I explained to him that I root for a ton of different teams where my friends went because my school didn't have a football team. Somehow this led to me telling him it took me 8 years to graduate. He asked about Mason and the age group in some of my classes. I told him I had seen much older people in a lot of my classes. He told me that I inspired him to go back to school. I'm sure it wasn't just the alcohol talking. I'm truly inspiring. Anyhow, he told me he was an all-star QB in high school, making straight A's and gearing up for dentistry school (he showed me his missing tooth and laughed) when he graduated but then he discovered LSD and the Grateful Dead and followed them for 30 years instead. It was an interesting conversation to say the least.

8. Dentists are evil. Why would anyone want to be a dentist? It's just a form of legal torture.

This Is My Title

1. The phone I flushed down the toilet has returned...after 3 months. I happened to glance down into the toilet yesterday evening upon entering the bathroom and saw a black rectangular shape sticking out of the bottom about an inch. I immediately thought I had dropped another phone down the toilet. Without an ounce of hesitation, I plunged my hand down into the toilet, grabbed it and pulled it out. I'm lucky that it actually happened to really be my old phone and nothing else. Had I stopped to think for even a moment, I may have realized that putting a glove on my hand or wrapping my hand and arm in a plastic bag would have been more sanitary. I looked at my dripping wet, corroded phone and shed a single tear. Then I opened it, of course, and tried to turn it on. Go figure, it wouldn't work. I brought it out into the living room, still holding it with my bare hands, and held it up to Howard with a look of disbelief on my face. He said, "Jeez, Dana, you dropped another one in there?" When I told him it was my old phone, his face then changed to a look of disbelief and he asked, "And you seriously just stuck your bare hand in there to get it out?? Gross!" It was at this point it hit me I was holding a nasty, dirty phone in my hand that had been sitting in the toilet for over 3 months so I hurriedly tossed it in the trash and proceeded to scrub my arm and hand raw with soap.

2. The bagels are delicious!!!!! And I'm not just saying that. They arrived on Friday and Howard and I both ate one right away. It changed his life. He has never had a fresh bagel before. I have no idea how that could possibly be. He actually thought the store bought ones were good before this. We froze the rest of them and just take one out at night to thaw if we want one the next day. Thanks Mom!

3. I can't believe I'm admitting this but I actually hit traffic this morning. I was taking Jack to the vet in Paducah and I hit traffic on I-24. Gasp! It was backed up about 2 miles due to roadwork. However, here is the difference between VA and KY. When I first saw the sign that read "Right Lane Closed Ahead", I got into the left lane. And so did every single other car on the road. The lane didn't actually close for another 1.5 miles but not one person thought it was okay to speed down the right hand lane and cut in front of all the rest of the cars waiting patiently in the traffic. Not one car. Absolutely amazing.

4. I took Jack to the vet this morning due to an open wound on his tail. Poor little guy can't seem to stop chewing on it and this morning it was just too much for me to handle. The vet says he has a "hot spot". According to Wikipedia:

A Hot Spot, or acute moist dermatitis, is an acutely inflamed and infected area of skin irritation created and made worse by a dog licking and biting at itself. A hot spot can manifest and spread rapidly in a matter of hours as secondary Staphylococcus infection causes the top layers of the skin to break down and as pus becomes trapped in the hair. Hot spots can be treated with corticosteroid medications and oral as well as topical antibiotic application, as well as clipping hair from around the lesion. Underlying inciting causes include flea allergy dermatitis, ear disease or other allergic skin diseases. Dogs with thick undercoat are most subject to getting hot spots.

So the vet shaved a lot of hair off his tail around the sore, gave him some topical ointment and a shot to prevent the itching. He also gave me some antibiotics and some cream to put on him two times a day. Here is my sad little pup and his little rat tail. Howard already thinks Jack looks like a rat but this is just going to give him more unneeded ammunition. Try not to notice the faded, 70's era, paisley carpet in the background...My office could use a little updating.

Sonny Spawn

I met one of God's messengers on Friday night. At least that's what he called himself. When I first was walking up to the doors to go in the bar entrance, I noticed a man standing alone with his back to me. He was talking so I figured he was on his Bluetooth. As I went to walk past him, I realized he was not in fact, talking to anyone on the phone at all so I concluded he was talking to himself. I walked into the empty bar and immediately the manager says, "Dana, you might want to run and hide". I asked if it was because of the man outside talking to himself and the managers and bartender just nodded. I heard the door open behind me and I turned to witness the man open the door, and then hold it open while he ushered two unseen people in. He went to his spot at the other end of the bar. I immediately called Howard while I was hiding behind the MegaTouch from the man's view. I told him "to hurry the hell up". I didn't want this man thinking it was okay to come and talk to me since we were the only two at the bar. An older man named David came in right then and sat down next to me. Howard arrived about 10 minutes later.

The three of us were sitting at the end of the bar minding our own business when the man decided to come over to us. He walked over and then stared at the fridge Howard was next to and said, "Oh I thought that was Melanie". He then thanks David for being a nice trucker and giving him a ride. David is not a trucker nor did he ever give him a ride. He talks about fishing in the restaurant and how much fun it is. Uhh? He thanks me for supporting him when times were tough. I've never met this man before. He blesses us all and walks away.

Once I had a few drinks in me, I decide this man is fascinating and want to talk to him (with Martin standing by me as my protector). I didn't speak more than 3 times. His thoughts were so random and he jumped from one topic to another. Here is what I learned...in no particular order.

1. His first name is Sonny.

2. His last name is Spawn. Or Sponn. Or Spawnn. Or Spohn. He literally spelled his "last name" 15 different ways in about 10 seconds. My head was spinning.

3. He likes truckers. Because they travel the ocean.

4. Paris Hilton shot him in the head when he was in first grade.

5. Paris Hilton is a really nice lady, she just needs to stop hanging with the muck.

6. The wardrobe from "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" shot him in the head when he was in first grade.

7. He did drugs.

8. He never did drugs.

9. He went to jail for crack cocaine for 12.3. 12 months, 3 weeks.

10. He found Jesus.

11. Mother Mary and Joseph were there with him.

12. Mother Mary likes shrimp. Joseph likes chicken sandwiches. So much so that he bought them both meals and placed them in front of the empty seats to his right and left where they sat untouched for the rest of the night.

13. Moses showed up and he ordered him a baked potato. Moses liked the baked potato.

14. I need to repent.

15. Alcohol keeps him off alcohol.

16. Alcohol keeps him off drugs.

17. Shrinks don't help him. Jesus does.

18. Jesus is his drug of choice.

19. He thinks David's (the older man sitting next to me) name is Mr. Big Stuff.

20. He's from Indiana, PA but has a British accent.

I never felt threatened or scared. I just felt bad. He belongs in a mental facility somewhere. I'm not qualified to diagnose whatever issue he has but I know enough to know he's crazy and needs help.

He bought everyone at the bar a round later on that evening. No idea where he was getting all this money from but he was paying cash for everything. According to the night time bartender, he finally had to cut him off around 11. He asked if there was anywhere he could go to get beer and Aaron pointed him in the direction of Exit 3. Little did Sonny know that Exit 3 closes around 10. He left the bar and walked off into the night.

TGIF TGIF TGIF

Last night Howard and I finally made it out for my birthday dinner. We went to Hananoki, a Japanese steakhouse in Paducah. We were seated with another couple and that's it. It was pretty empty. Probably because a new Japanese steakhouse called Tokyo Hibachi has opened up across the street but we had already been to that one for Valentine's Day so we decided to switch it up. I ordered the Filet & Scrimpies which the server informed me was the best item on the menu. The cook came out and began the show. He didn't do any fancy tricks but he cooked some amazing food. I noticed that he kept bringing the couple seated next to us fresh cups of water and coke. I heard him oversay, "There is nothing worse than your drink being watered down". Except the chick was drinking water and only water...I found it hysterical. By the time the cook got to my filet, I was stuffed. I ate a couple bites and then asked for a box. When dinner was over, the server asked who was taking the check and Howard jokingly told him to give it to the birthday girl. The server left with Howard's card and I commented to Howard that I didn't feel very full anymore. And of course because I said that, a sundae gets placed in front of me for my birthday. I took a bite just to be polite and then made Howard eat some so it wouldn't look like I didn't even touch it. The server came back with Howard's receipt and told us thank you, we were awesome customers, blah blah blah. Howard goes to tip the guy and realizes that the check is all wrong. But wrong in a good way. He had initially given Howard the check and it was $68. But he only charged his credit card $49. Score! Nah, not really. Howard being the honest guy he is, called the waiter over to correct his mistake. The look on the guy's face was priceless. He had apparently switched our check with the couple sitting next to us, however they had already left. I have no idea if the server made out well or had to come out of his pocket but Howard tipped him $25 anyway. He looked relieved so hopefully he made out well because anyone who hates watered down ice water is awesome.

I brought the leftovers to work today. Nothing like Kobe beef, fried rice and grilled veggies for lunch. I was eating my food when John came in and asked if I had a plastic knife he could have. He needed the knife to spread canned spam on his saltines. I gave him a knife...and the rest of my steak. His eyes lit up and he told me he hasn't had steak in over a year. I'm sure he enjoyed it way more than I would have.

We stopped by the bar yesterday before going to dinner and when I looked at the MegaTouch, I noticed that someone had beaten my Photohunt score and written IN YO FACE DA. They obviously ran out of room when trying to spell my name. I worked long and hard and spent a lot of mine and other people's money trying to beat the score that said F U DANA written by my friend Matt. I accomplished that mission last weekend. Looks like I have another fun weekend ahead of me. So Jen and Leslie, you are needed in KY effective immediately. I'm calling in reinforcements. Or maybe I will just reset the machine...

Kevin Skinner

The chicken catcher from the town I work in actually won America's Got Talent and a million bucks. Makes me wish I would have hired him last year when he applied. We would so totally have become BFF's and he would totally have given me half his winnings. Sigh.

For Crying Out Loud!

Last Friday night, Howard and I were at a gas station in Paducah getting beer. When we pulled up, I saw a little Jack Russell terrier wandering around the parking lot. He came over to me and I picked him up while looking around for his owner. He had his vaccination tag and an ID tag which stated his name was Barkley and he lived in Mayfield, near where I work. On the tag there were two phone numbers so I took out my phone and dialed the first one. It was out of service. While I was dialing the second one, an older man came over to me and asked if I was going to take him home. I laughed and said, "No, I am trying to call his owner, I just took in a stray dog a couple months ago and I can't take anymore". He then laughs and asks me if I ever take in stray men. I know I mentioned he was older, but did I mention the crutches and the eye patch?? Without even looking at him, I point inside the store and tell him my boyfriend is inside and go back to dialing. The number goes straight to voicemail. Howard comes out of the store and asks what I'm doing with the dog.

H: Nah uh, no way, we are not taking him home Dana.
D: But he has a home, he has tags!! I'll drive out to Mayfield tomorrow and find his house, I promise.
H: No.
D: Fine, we will stay here until I can get a hold of the owner.
H: No.
D: Well I can't just let him go! What if he gets run over?? Huh? Then how will you feel?
H: Dana, we live in an apartment, we cannot keep another dog. Kentucky isn't like Virginia. His owner probably dropped him off here and they don't want him anymore.
D: But...but, they would take his tags off of him if they didn't want him anymore!
H: And if you can't ever get a hold of the owner? Then what?
D: I'll take him to a shelter. (Both of us knew I was lying)
H: No.

Ugh. So I called the owner again on the way home and left a message stating exactly where I saw the dog and to call me as soon as she got my message. And then I cried. And wouldn't talk to Howard for a while. I tried to explain to him how I would feel if Jack got loose and how I would much rather him get taken in by someone like me then left out on the street.

And then the owner called and said she was on the way to get him and "thank you, thank you, thank you". I resumed crying but out of happiness this time. And Howard admitted he was wrong and should have listened to me about the dog having an owner.

In his defense, if he let me take in every single animal we come across, we'd be running a farm. As I have said before, I blame my mom. I am way to soft-hearted when it comes to animals and other people's problems and I always want to make it better even when it's ridiculous like the following examples of two times I have cried in the last week.

I cried watching Hook on Saturday morning. It was at the part where Peter Pan (Robin Williams) comes back to Neverland and the Lost Boys led by Rufio don't believe it's really him. But then the little boy feels Peter's face and says, "There you are Peter!" and some of the boys start crossing the line drawn in the sand to stand on Peter's side. Except I wasn't crying for Peter Pan, I was crying for Rufio because I felt bad he was going to lose his power.

I cried during the Thursday night Steelers/Titans game because Hines Ward fumbled the ball. Hines Ward is ALWAYS smiling. And I mean ALWAYS. We've nicknamed him "Smiley". He fumbled the ball and then he wasn't smiling anymore. And that made me cry.

Luckily Howard has had 3.5 years to get used to this and he deals with it well now. He used to say things like, "What are you crying for?? This isn't even sad! It's funny!" or "What did I do?? Did I say something wrong?" But now he thinks it's completely normal that I cry because Smiley stopped smiling. I mean, that's a big deal.

Again, all blame is on my mom.

On my mind...

On my mind...

1. My BFF, Ashley forgot my birthday this year…and I couldn’t be happier. I forgot her birthday years ago. I was hanging out with my then boyfriend when Ashley called.

Ash: Hey, what are you doing tonight?

Me: Probably just hanging out here.

Ash: Oh………..Well, do you want to hang out with me since it’s my birthday?

Me: Uh, oh, um, uh………….Sorry?

Around 10 pm on the night of my birthday, I turned to Howard and a huge grin spread across my face and said, “I think she forgot!!” to which he responded, “You are so weird.”

I called Ash after work on Tuesday thinking maybe she would say something like “Oh, Dane, I’ve been meaning to call you! Happy Birthday!” But instead we just had chatted for a few minutes about random stuff. And then:

Me: So, we are officially even now.

Ash: What?

Me: It was my birthday yesterday.

Ash: @#$@*#$&*@#*$@*#$@&@&%@&@#$

I told her that it was the best gift she could ever give me. Now we are on even playing fields again. Equals. She can never bring it up again. HA!

The following year after I forgot her birthday, I pretended to forget again and just invited her to a hotel party I was going to. She had no idea that it was a surprise party for her. So I told her that she’s going to have to go big next year to make up for this year. Big like visiting me in KY. She asked me to please forget her birthday next year instead so she can be one up again. This is why she is my best friend.

2. Kanye West = Worthless

3. Jack peed on me the other day. We had been out with the dogs all day while we were fumigating for fleas in the apartment. It was hot and Jack was running around chasing tennis balls for an hour. During that hour, he must have gone over to the water spigot 15 times. When we got back home, I gave him two baths, one for fleas and one for dry skin that the flea shampoo gives him. Poor thing was worn out. He hates baths. He lay down on his blanket next to me on the couch and was out cold. When he woke up, he crawled onto my lap and was stretching when I felt something wet on my arm. I looked down and realized he was peeing on me. On Me. The dog doesn’t ever pee in the house. How could he pee on me? I set him on his blanket to get up but when I looked down at him, he was still peeing. Howard pushed him to the floor where he continued to pee! I took him outside after that. It was very strange. I think he was sleep-peeing.

4. I realized the other day that I never made it to Einstein’s to get bagels when I was home for a week. We don’t have any bagels shops here. Zero, zilch. So the next time you are having your delicious fresh bagel for breakfast, stop and think of poor me, and then laugh and go back to eating your deliciously, wonderful bagel.

I decided that I would get someone to send me bagels through the mail. That person would be my mom. So I emailed her Monday.

Me: Hello - I want an Einstein’s bagel for my birthday. Do you think if you bought one and put it in a plastic baggie and overnighted it to me, it would still be fresh? Because I think it would. Thanks.

Mom: Are you kidding me??? Frankly, if you miss them that much you should just "Move Back". You are just toooo funny!! Sure hope you are having a great day. Talk later.

Me: No, no kidding. Dead serious. Send me BAGELS!

When I talked to her later, she told me I was crazy but she would do it if it would make me happy. On Tuesday morning she went to Einstein’s and bought a baker’s dozen. She ate one (who could blame her??) and then went to Fed Ex to send me the rest. That will be $52.00 please. WHAT?!?! So she called me and told me there was no way she was going to spend that kind of money to ship me bagels and I was fine with that because although I am desperate for bagels, I am not that desperate.

She also told me during this conversation that my sister’s (half-sister if you want to get technical, but I’ll never call her that) grandmother passed away during the night. She got very choked up about it. Then bagels didn’t seem so important to me anymore. As my mom tried to compose herself, I heard her choke out, “And I’m sorry about your bagels.”

Five minutes later she called me back. She said, “I am sending them anyway. I want you to have them.” I told her not to send them but she was adamant. We agreed that she would go home and freeze them and then mail them express. From $52 down to $14 for shipping. No idea when I will receive them or if they will still be any good but I will be eating them even if they are bad as punishment for putting my mom through this. But I’ll just cross my fingers and hope they are delightful.

My amazing friend Amy also offered to send me some bagels as a birthday present but I could never put her through what I put my mom through. Amy and I aren't blood-related so she wouldn't still have to love me after going through this ordeal.

5. Rest in Peace Mrs. Hart/Nanny.

It's Frrrriday.

Things have been quiet around here lately...no one has done anything too crazy or entertaining. But it's been over a week and it's Friday and I'm bored. Hence randomness...

John came in late Tuesday morning extremely sick. Some family had come into town for the weekend and they had proceeded to buy mass amounts of liquor and drink the weekend away. John woke up in a cornfield, stumbled back to the house and rode his bike to work. I repeat, he woke up in a cornfield. He made it until 12:30 and then came into my office to tell me he needed to leave. He told me his heart just wasn't in it today. I explained to him that he had less than 3 hours to go and if he left early, he would not be paid for the holiday the day before. He seemed to think this over but decided he just couldn't make it through the rest of the day and left. When another employee came in to my office a little bit later, I asked him if John went home early because there was alcohol left from the weekend and he was afraid it would be gone by the time he got home from work. Yep. I know my employees so well.

Every ounce of respect I had for Mike is gone. I can't remember if I ever talked about "Abby" before and I don't really feel like going back through all my posts to figure it out. I don't even know if I called her Abby if I did talk about her. But whatever. Abby looks like a normal, 40ish, motherly black woman. And at first I thought that was just what she was. Then she began calling every Thursday (pay day) for John. She would tell me that she needed to speak to John about "an urgent business matter". When I would tell her that he wasn't on break and that I would leave him a message, she would continue to call back and ask if he was on break yet. Then I found out what this "urgent business matter" really was. John was paying Abby 1/4 of his paycheck each week for sexual favors whenever he wanted them. Seriously. Finally I told John to tell her not to call him at work anymore because I didn't feel their deal constituted an "urgent business matter". And she stopped. Itchie told me that Abby would give a sexual favor for a bologna sandwich and has before. Ew. Just Ew. A couple weeks ago, Abby calls and asks for Mike. And then a week later, the same thing. On Thursdays. So imagine my surprise yesterday when Abby came into my office when only my boss, Mike and I were still here. I told her that John had gone home for the day. She told me she was here to see Mike. Yesterday was Thursday. Pay Day. I can't even look at Mike now. Maybe I don't know my employees as well as I thought. Ugh.

Tonight we are going to happy hour, tomorrow Stacy is bbq-ing the best damn chicken I've ever had and I will be first in line for it and well Sunday, Sunday is Christmas in September aka FOOTBALL. Monday I turn 28. My 3 months of bliss where Howard and I are the same age is up and I will once again be older for 9 months and he will take every opportunity to remind me of this.

I was at the bar yesterday afternoon and overheard the bartender and some of the regulars talking about the word "conversate". Actually they were arguing, not talking, about whether it was really a word. I wanted to interrupt and yell out "Yes huh!! It IS a word!" But I didn't. And I'm glad. Because now I am having second thoughts. I googled (is that a real word?) it and came across various sites that did or did not recognize it.

Dictionary.com states:

conversate

- 1 dictionary result

Main Entry:	conversate
Part of Speech:	v
Definition:	to socialize and chat; to converse with another
Etymology:	back-formation from conversation
Usage:	slang

Merriam-Webster.com states:

conversate

One entry found.

• Main Entry: con·ver·sate
• Pronunciation: \ˈkän-vər-ˌsāt\
• Function: intransitive verb
• Inflected Form(s): con·ver·sat·ed; con·ver·sat·ing
• Etymology: back-formation from conversation
• Date: 1973

Then I read a blog (is that a real word??) where the author vehemently denies that "conversate" is a word. She swears she is some grammar nazi and apparently goes around correcting people of their grammatical mistakes. Wow...winner. Anyhow, I read through all the comments and they also go back and forth on whether it's an acceptable word. Confusing.

So I asked Amy because I believe anything my friends tell me. She said she thought it was. Then I asked Leslie who said she believed it was as well but then looked in a dictionary and couldn't find it (though the version was from 2002). Then Joe pipes in that it's not and the correct wording is "converse". Rockett tells me to type it into Word and see what happens. I got the red squigglies under it. So then I typed in "googled" and "blog" and got the same frustrating wavy lines. (I just typed in "squigglies" in Word and got more squigglies...that's a fun word..if it's even a word.) Rockett then says that in his opinion, if people use it, it makes it a word. Which I liked. But then he said "holla" and "shiznit" were words...

So I've been dwelling on this since 8:00 this morning. I know, sad. But Leslie just told me her whole office is arguing about it right now, half for and half against so that makes me feel a little bit better. I'm not sure this will ever be solved and it might just have to remain one of life's greatest mysteries.

Nashville Airport Star!

Oh, so I completely forgot to write that I figured out who the famous person I saw at Nashville's airport was. Since Jeannette was passed out by the time I got to her house that Friday night, I was able to lounge on the couch with Michael's laptop. I am a little crazy when I can't figure something like that out so I wasn't going to quit until I found what I was looking for. I searched through male country music artists letter by letter starting with A, clicking on names I sort of recognized to see a picture. When I got to the name Jeffrey Steele, I passed right by it before something in my brain was triggered and I went back to it. I clicked on it but there was no picture so I typed it into Google images and VOILA! He was a judge on Nashville Star and writes all the music for famous country stars. I'm a genius...a neurotic genius that is.

Pic I took with my phone to send to Howard

From Google Images

Back to Work...Nothing's Changed

First thing my boss tells me when I walk in to work this morning is to lock my car...which I do anyway even though I can see it from my office window. I don't trust anyone around here. Case in point. My boss has one of those huge water bottles that he stores his change in. Once it's full, he cashes it in and sends it to his mother-in-law in Honduras. Aww! About a month ago, he noticed that he was missing about 2 inches of change and realized his son must be stealing from it. So he moved it to his truck bed (which has a cover and a lock) for safe keeping. (Side note: My boss lives two hours away and drives here Monday morning, stays in a hotel all week and returns home Friday afternoon.) He figured it was safer with him in his truck then at home with his son. Yesterday afternoon, he told Billy Bob and John to take some hoses to his truck and put them in the bed while he cleaned himself up to go to the repair place. When he arrived at the repair place, he couldn't help but notice that the water jug had been moved and their was only a thin layer covering the bottom of it. He believes that John and Billy Bob took the jug to Billy Bob's car and overturned it leaving only a small amount of change. I believe he's right. Of course he has no proof because the cameras outside long ago stopped working. But that's not going to stop him from attempting to scare them into telling the truth. When John gets here later today (he's at court this morning...go figure), he's going to tell them both that he has ordered the tape from the video camera and it will be here in a week. Doubt it will work but I guess it's worth a shot.

We had a guy quit last Monday while I was on vacation. Billy Bob called him a name that rhymes with wussy and he went crazy and walked out. He came in yesterday to give me a food stamp document he needed filled out. He then asks me if I can write that we laid him off on his paperwork so he can file for unemployment. Um, no. He then begs my boss saying that if he had unemployment then he wouldn't need food stamps and I wouldn't have to fill the form out. Um, no.