Monday, April 26, 2010

Durby Party

My favorite bar never fails to disappoint...

Even after I pointed out that both Derby and Julep were spelled wrong, they didn't change it.  But maybe I am the one in the wrong here.  Maybe they aren't referring to a "KY Derby" party at all.  According to, "durby" means the following:

to get highhhhh

to smoke durby


A human's spit, diarrhea, urine, vomit, pimple pus, tears, and sweat mixed together.

After carefully pouring his diarrhea into the vial Tobias twisted the cap on. A strong feeling of pride and accomplishment filled him. Tobias finally finished making durby. He sloshed it around to make sure it was evenly mixed and then poured it into Saquasia's baseball cleats.

Either way, I want no part in it.  But I might partake in a Julup:

A ghetto delicacy which consists of any flavor Kool aid placed in a styrofoam cup and then frozen. There usually sold out of someones house and they cost about a quarter. The best way to eat one is to take it of the cup and flip it over so that the bottom side is up cause its always mad juice at the bottom.
It's hot as a mugg, lets go round to Ms. Lindsay house and get a julup.

As for the word mugg, I'll leave that to you to figure out.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I'm Soooo Bored..........

Seriously.  Would one or more of the following please write a blog to entertain me.  I don't care if it's about what you ate for lunch or the last movie you watched or the last time you freaking blinked.  I'm that bored.

Emily (um...where are your 3 posts about Oregon??  I'm still waiting...)

And if you don't already have a blog like the above referenced awesome people, start one so I have something to read.  OK, GO!

Monday, April 19, 2010

The Complicated Hiring Process...

An actual Gchat conversation:

me: pick one
michael castro
floridan sanchez

Amy: michael
what is this for???

me: i gotta hire someone

Amy: lol
that is a real name

me: yep
nope just floridan

Amy: thats fantastic

me: but u just hired michael

Amy: yay!
...And he starts tomorrow at 8 am.  Thanks Amy!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Weekend in Review


I was able to get off work around 1 pm on Friday.  Right before myself and two other guys were heading out, a woman showed up with paper to recycle.  We quickly helped her and then closed shop for the day.  I drove out to Mayfield to get some lunch and do some shopping and was enjoying my afternoon off when my boss called.  He had been off since Thursday morning due to a fishing tournament down in Alabama.  He said the woman who came in just before I closed had left her cell phone on my desk.  I told him that she had not because my desk had been clear when I left.  I would have noticed a cell phone.  So I called the woman and she was adamant that she left it on my desk.

"I'm 100% positive it's there!"

"I went straight from your office to work and nowhere else.  I KNOW it's there"

"There is no place else it could be"

Fine.  I told her I would drive back to the office to check.  I was trying to be nice about it since everyone else has been so nice to me out here.  I know what it's like to be without your cell phone and it's not fun.  So I drove the 25 miles back to work.

Of course, it wasn't on my desk.  I called her back from my cell phone and told her.  She still insisted that it just had to be here.  I started wondering at this point if she thought I had stolen it.  I asked for her cell phone number so I could call it on the office speaker phone.  I dialed it up and listened to hear it ringing somewhere.  But no, someone answered it instead.  It was a woman and she said "Hello?"  Before I could get a word out, the lady on my cell phone starts screaming in my ear, "WHO IS THAT?  WHO HAS MY PHONE?  ASK HER HER NAME!"

The woman who had answered proceeds to say, "This is Shannon at Cheers (gas station).  Whoever owns this phone dropped it while getting gas today".  I hear the woman on my cell say softly, "Ohhhh, right.  I did get gas after leaving there..."  I told Shannon that the owner would be by to pick up her phone shortly and hung up with her.  I said to cell phone lady, "Well, case solved". 

And she says, "Hmmm...guess I could have tried calling my phone first".

ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?  THAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU DO!  Seriously, this happened Friday and I still can't get over the sheer stupidity.  Almost two hours had elapsed since she "left her phone in my office" and not once did she think to call her own phone?  GAH! 

I got home that afternoon and noticed that the long hole lining our side of the street had been filled in with gravel.  A bus traveling far too fast had driven off the road onto our lawn not too long ago and left a long muddy hole.  I was out there trying to fill some of it in last weekend and our neighbor was across the street in his field and came over to talk to me.  He said something about the busses not being careful but that was it.  Apparently he took it upon himself to fill the entire thing in with gravel while we were at work Friday.  Also, our local lawn mower guy dropped off our $100 riding mower as well as picked up our push mower to once again fix for free.  I love our neighbors. 


We headed to town to rent a garden tiller for the weekend, then stopped at Big Lots, Lowes and had lunch at a Chinese restaurant before heading back home to get to work.  We planted flowers, mowed the lawn, tilled the garden, planted a blackberry bush, two grape vines, corn and green beans and hung a hummingbird feeder.  It was the busiest weekend of my life. 

I was out front planting flowers in the existing bed in front of the porch and the bees and wasps were being relentless.  They were out to get me.  So I donned my bee suit.  Keep in mind it was 80 degrees out.  I put on jeans and the largest, bulkiest sweatshirt of Howard's I could find.  I had the hood up and pulled taut so that only my eyes were visible but behind large sunglasses.  So maybe I looked like a fool to anyone and everyone driving by but I didn't get stung.  And that's what matters!

While we were planting the blackberry bush, Howard walked off to get something from the garage.  I looked out into the grass and saw a snake.  Strangely enough, I didn't run away screaming.  I just watched it.  It wasn't moving.  When Howard came back, I pointed it out.  He took the shovel and poked it.  (Sidenote: Fievel rounded the corner just now and I jumped and screamed because I thought it was a snake.)  The snake didn't move.  He poked it again, this time moving it.  The snake rolled over and that's when we saw it was headless.  All I saw was blood and guts were it's head should have been.  Howard had run over it Friday evening with the mower.  Awesome.

In other news, I noticed all these trucks carrying carnival rides pulling into the park in Wingo on my way home from work yesterday.  I cannot believe my tiny little town is having a fair.  I'm way excited about this.  Like probably more than I should be. 

Friday, April 9, 2010

You're Hired!

This here is winning application.  I'm hiring him Monday.

Have you ever been convicted of a crime?  Yes!  If yes, please explain:  No!  Well then surely it couldn't be anything to serious.  You're hired!

Reason for Leaving?  Last chance?  Lost change?  Lost hand?  Eh, who cares?  You're hired!

Reason for Leaving?  Stood Out?  Stopped Out?  Sold Out?  Wait, why am I even asking, I don't care!  You're hired!

Yay for Friday!

I was told Monday morning that John was in jail again.  The story was he missed his classes he was supposed to take after his last Public Intoxication charge so the police went to his house to pick him up.  He was on his front lawn drunk so they charged him with another PI and took him in. 

While talking to Mike a little while ago, I heard the real story.  John was walking down the highway drunk, with a beer in one hand and a pint in his pocket.  The cops didn't even get out of their car, just pulled over and told him to get in.  Good stuff. 

Mike told me he went to John's house yesterday to get some stuff that John didn't want stolen while he sits in jail but the place was already ransacked.  I guess once the word got out John was going to be away for a while, his "friends" declared open season on his trailer. 

Oh and we don't care about our employees being in jail around here.  He will still have his job whenever he does get out.  He called collect a couple days ago but I didn't accept.  I had to dial some number to make payment arrangements.  Not worth it.

In other news, I have a new little friend.  His name is...Fievel (#12).  Go figure.  Amy and Amanda are pressuring me to change my mousey's name but I'm going to stick with Fievel.  That way when this one dies and another one shows up and I name it Fievel (#13), it will be like he never left me.

The resemblance is striking.  Here is my little guy in action.

I thought some Fruit Loop crumbs might make him happy.

Apparently they weren't enough because he tried to get into the trash next.  See him, there between the bottom drawer and the trash can?  So cute.  Until he tries to crawl up my leg...

Have a great weekend!!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Bonjour Claude!

I recently found out that my Great-Uncle Claude reads my blog all the way over in France!  How cool is that?  Thanks for reading, Claude!  Avoir un grand jour! (<-- If that's wrong, blame the Internet)

Poor Camry

Howard and I had all sorts of plans to work on the yard for yesterday afternoon.  Over the weekend, Howard's mom helped us clear out a pile of junk the previous owner's had left behind our fence line.  They had attempted to burn a bunch of metal and plastic so we sorted through it and ended up with a pile of metal in our yard.  I had no idea how we were going to get rid of it.  I was on (which is like a local Craigslist) at work yesterday afternoon and I happened to click on a link for Salvage Man Dan who hauls away metal for free.  I called him up and he came out yesterday afternoon to pick it all up.  One problem solved.  Onto the next...

I was getting the mail when Howard pulled in.  He was holding his side mirror up with his hand.  Someone had hit him on his way home.

You can't really tell the extent of the damage in this picture but Howard was devastated.  He's had this car forever.  It has 190K miles on it and he was determined to drive it to well over 200K.  He's just hoping it isn't totaled.  This '97 Camry runs better than my '07 Mazda 3.  Or at least, it used to...

We didn't get anything accomplished since Howard spent the better part of the evening on the phone with the insurance companies.  Howard remarked that he would like a beer so I said we should go drive to the store to get some.  His response:

"You think I want to get in a car right now after what just happened?  And with you of all people?"

What?  I am an AWESOME driver.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Me! <-- Idiot!

I would just like to take this opportunity to let you all know that I don't learn my lessons.  I have my life source back.  My beautiful, wondrous phone.  My life was miserable without it.  But you know how many times I've brought it in the bathroom with me since the UPS lady brought it to me last Thursday?  How about EVERYTIME.  Sometimes I know I'm doing it and I hang on to it for dear life.  Other times, it's in my sweatshirt pocket.  The exact pocket it's fallen out of twice now.  Yep.  Maybe I'll learn after the 3rd time...

Stache Winner

Apparently none of my friends have the same sense of humor as I do, nor do they think I'm awesome since only two people commented on my doggie stache toy.  Well no one likes you either!

Anyhow, the winner is Ashley.  Looks like Oly's gonna get himself a lil stache.  Ashley - email me at with your address and I will get it in the mail.

Thank you to Ashley and Amanda for appreciating my unusual sense of humor.  We are now BFFs.


This is my favorite new perfume.

We have bugs everywhere.  It's no longer just spiders.  Howard and I were out working on the yard yesterday afternoon and I looked down at my shirt and saw I was covered in little black bugs.  I woke up on Sunday morning because I felt something crawling on my arm.  It was a bug.  I thought it was a tick but Howard assured me it wasn't.  Then later, Jack was sleeping next to me on the couch and I happened to look down at his ear and saw a tick. 

Here are two pictures of the kitchen windows from last night.

We have screens on the window but these bugs are so tiny, they fit right through the holes.  Needless to say, we will be pumping the AC come the dead of summer because I am not opening any windows.

And I have no idea what this is.  Howard's mom said she had never seen anything like it before.

Any ideas? 

We also have wasps and bees vying for control of the shed.  Yay.  I'm attempting to go the entire spring and summer without getting stung.  Wish me luck. 

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Stache Giveaway!

Heather sent me a link to this dog toy last week and I knew as soon as I saw it, I MUST HAVE IT. 

I received two in the mail yesterday afternoon.  I opened one and let both dogs smell it, then threw it down the hallway.  They both went after it and when Jack came back with Copper at his heels, I couldn't stop laughing.  Playing fetch has just gotten a whole lot more fun.  Unfortunately, neither dog would sit still long enough for me to get a quality picture so this picture from the site will have to suffice.

I'll be giving away one brand new Humunga Stache.  Don't have a dog?  Give it to someone who can appreciate it's hilariousness (<-- Is that a word?) (Yes, it is.  I just looked it up).

Just leave a comment telling me how awesome this dog toy is or just how awesome I am.  Either way. 

Giveaway will close Tuesday, 4/6 at 11 AM CST.  Winner will be chosen at random by an online generator.