Some Random Stuff

*  Last night, I let Howard have the remote control.  What a mistake that was.  He landed on some show about a monster in Kentucky.  A monster. In Kentucky.  Actually they called it a "Hillbilly Beast".  Um...  He told me he was only going to watch 3 minutes of it.  Riiiight.  They went on and on about the multiple sightings of this mythical creature for one hour.  The enormous size of it, it's potential to cause harm, the various areas it's been seen, etc.  Some scientists morons were trying to recreate the exact conditions where the beast was photographed to be able to judge the exact size and they determined it was around 10 feet tall and 3 feet wide.  I was so bored, I was reading my OWN blog for entertainment.  In the last 5 minutes of the show, they realized, whoops, we had the distance wrong and this great monstrosity of a beast is actually just a bird.  A freaking bird.  An hour of my life down the drain.  Howard is never allowed to make fun of one of my shows again.  EVER.

*  Once I claimed the remote back (permanently), Howard went down into the basement with the dogs to play fetch with a ball.  It's not much fun for Copper though who isn't fast enough to beat Jack to the ball.  After about 5 minutes, Copper came up the stairs, hopped up on the couch and plopped down in my lap.  I heard Howard yell the following at Jack (who he calls Ratty):  "No Ratty!  You're not playing fair!  No more ball for you until you learn to play well with others and share".  Let's just remember Jack is a DOG.  I highly doubt he is going to get the complexities of sharing is caring.  I couldn't stop laughing though.

*  Our newest Fievel at work is evil and very, very bold.  We have staring contests and he wins.  He will literally sit on the floor 3 feet away from me and just stare directly into my eyes, daring me to make some kind of move.  He has eaten everything in my snack drawer, including ketchup packets.  Two days ago I brought in Easy Mac for lunch and didn't end up eating it.  I actually forgot all about it.  I came in yesterday morning and opened up the drawer to put my purse in it and found this:

He nibbled into the packet of cheese as well.  He even nibbled into my last lollipop.  I believe that this is actually a crime punishable by death.  And that's why my boss is out buying traps right now. 

*  Speaking of my boss...The man had no idea what string cheese was.  I was snacking on a string cheese yesterday when he came into my office and a puzzled look crossed his face. 

Boss:  What in the world are you eating?
Me: ....Um...string cheese...
B:  What?  What do you mean string cheese?
M:  I mean string cheese...
B:  Where do you get it at? 
M:  At the store...
B:  Do they cut it like that at the deli counter?
M:  No...it's in the cheese aisle.  Like, next to the shredded cheeses...You do know what shredded cheese is, don't you?
B:  Yes, I know what shredded cheese is.  I've just never seen cheese on a string before.
M:  Wow...

*  John came running in my office earlier this week screaming something about Hot Rod.
 
John:  Dana, I need a favor!  I need you to write Hot Rod up RIGHT NOW. 
Me:  Why John?  What did he do?
J:  Well, ya see, I was outside the breakroom pissing and that mother {expletive deleted} son of a {expletive deleted} {expletive deleted} snuck a firecracker out the door next to my foot and it went off like BOOM BOOM BOOM and I pissed all over myself! 

The fact that this conversation occured earlier this week and I am just now posting it because I just now realized this is not a normal conversation that should be held in my office concerns me.  Am I really beginning to look past these insane moments and consider them everyday occurences?  It really may be time for a new job...

*  Mike and his wife went on their annual cruise a couple weeks ago.  Before they left he decided to shave off his mustache and goatee to look more presentable.  When he returned to work and walked into my office, I was shocked to see his appearance.  Apparently Mike has been using "Just for Men", the white man's version.  However, Mike is not white.  But his lip and chin are!  The stuff stained his skin white underneath where his hair had been.  It's actually pretty creepy looking.

*  Don't forget to enter the giveaway for your chance to win some Le Creuset bakeware!