I'm Baaaaack!

But the post about all the things I realized while home in VA is going to have to wait.  Bossman is letting me go early for some reason.  I mean, who cares if I haven't been here in a week and I have a ton of work to do.  It's New Year's Eve and no one should be working.  Not even me.  So Happy New Year!!  Be safe celebrating!! 

Merry Christmas!

Howard, both dogs and I are hitting the road in about two hours to make the long trek home.  We'll probably stop sometime tonight in Bristol and get a hotel and then finish the rest in the morning.  We'll be home for a week so I'm officially on hiatus from writing until I get back.  Can't wait to see my family and friends!  WOOOO!

Pioneer Woman

I've decided to stop being selfish and share the wealth that is "Pioneer Woman" with you all.  All 3 of you.  If you aren't familiar with her blog yet, please go make yourself at home.  Not only does she provide funny stories of her life on a ranch with her husband and 4 kids, she has FREE GIVEAWAYS.  And by letting you in on this secret, I am lessening my chances of winning but it's the holiday and I'm in the giving spirit.  They are very easy to enter.  She asks a question, you answer in a comment and then winners are randomly selected.  And she has some nice prizes.  Trust.  Also, she has a website for recipes in which users can submit their recipes and she also posts step by step directions to some of her favorites WITH pictures.  And right now over on the Tasty Kitchen blog, there are more giveaways going on.  The easiest thing to do is add her two sites to your RSS feed if you use one and you will be automatically updated when she posts something new. 

I made these last night and they were heavenly (and SO easy)!  Give them a try!

Ewwww!

Amy just sent me this link and it's freaking me out!  Like seriously freaking me out.  I just don't get facial piercings I guess.  Maybe I am way too normal but this is just too much. 

Why Yesterday Never Got Better

...Because as if it isn't hard enough to walk two dogs at the same time that never seem to want to go in the same direction, my a-hole neighbor decided it would be funny to parade his female dog who happens to be in heat in front of Copper everytime I went to walk them last night.  Copper might be small but let me tell you, that dog is strong.  He took one whiff of this female in heat and beelined straight for her pulling me forward off guard straight into a pile of dog crap. 

...Because I lost both fantasy leagues by 4 points after being in 1st place in both.  4 MEASLY, ITTY BITTY POINTS.  Eff you Tom Brady.  Eff you Peyton Manning (yes, I said it Leslie).  Eff you Kevin Boss.  Why do I play this stupid game each year??  The Fantasy Gods hate me.  ...But I can't wait for next year!!!

...Because "Bad Romance" by icky Lady Gaga came on the radio on my way home yesterday and though I switched it in .002 seconds, I still couldn't get the terrible song out of my head ALL night.  Howard begged and pleaded me to stop singing it and even played numerous other songs in an attempt to get a better song in my head but to no avail.  And now that I just wrote this, it's back in my head.  FML.

A Terrible Tragedy

I heard about this today and it breaks my heart.  This 27 year old woman lost her husband and two children to a house fire last Tuesday.  I can't even imagine what she is going through right now.  I do not know her and only found the link through CakeWrecks.com but I can't help but feel sick to my stomach for her.  Please keep her and her step-daughter in your thoughts and prayers and if you have the ability, please donate.  I am sure she could use the help of friends, family and even strangers. 

I Hate Today

I am not in a good mood today.  I'm actually in a really bad mood.  For several reasons...

...Because it's Monday.  Mondays suck.  Plain and simple.

...Because we didn't get one drop of snow here all weekend.  Share the wealth VA!

...Because my GChat currently has two people online.  TWO.  All that snow that was stolen from me and dumped on VA has kept all my friends enemies home all comfy and cuddly in their cozy beds instead of in their offices entertaining me.

...Because I am currently 10 points away from making it to my Fantasy Football Super Bowl and it's all riding on Kevin Boss.  I'm relying on a NY Giant.  Yuck. 

...Because the lady in front of me at Subway ordered like 117 footlongs and couldn't remember what went on each one.  Write.It.Down.  How hard is that?  Then she paid for each one separately. 

...Because my boss can't seem to figure out I am almost 30 years old and thinks it's fun to call me names like Kiddo, Missy Daney, Dana Lu, Sweetie, Honey, Dana Wana and Deeners.  MY EFFING NAME IS DANA.

...Because I'm almost 30 years old.

...Because I had to hear that one of my employees couldn't come to work today because he has a boil under his arm that is now starting to drain.  Ew.  Just Ew.  Just tell me you are sick.

...Because I had to hear that one of my employees couldn't come to work today because he "acted a fool" last night when he "beat his baby momma's new boyfriend".  Just tell me you are sick.

...Because vendors and customers keep bringing me two pound boxes of chocolate and fudge. 

...Because I have eaten way too much chocolate and fudge and I don't even like chocolate or fudge.

...Because it's Monday.  Blah.

Red Rum

I've been getting this Comcast bill for the Internet back at my townhouse in VA since I moved to KY.  I never look at it though.  It was sitting on the desk in our apartment when I happened to glance at the address on it. 

Red Rum Drive!  Who names a street after one of the creepiest parts in "The Shining"????  And for those of you who have never seen the movie, (like Howard, who looked at me like I was a raving lunatic when I started screaming Red Rum over and over in my scariest voice) Red Rum is Murder spelled backwards. 

I Got Nada

For maybe the first time in my life, I have nothing to say.  Life has been way too normal lately and KY folks are letting me down.  I might have to go stir up some trouble this weekend just to get some funny stories...

For those who are wondering, we will get the final approval on the house after Christmas, but everything looks good in the meantime.  Keep your fingers crossed for us :)

Happy Birthday Amy!!!

It's the third Friday in a row that one of my BFF's is celebrating a birthday.  First it was Amanda, then Nicole and now Amy! 

Have fun eating sushi and wearing that "little dress you never have a reason to wear" tonight :)  Like always, wish I could be there (even though we all know there is no way in hell I would be wearing a dress for the party's theme)!  Miss you & see you at Xmas!

Christina & Amy

Weekend in Atlanta

This past weekend, Howard and I drove down to Atlanta to visit my brother and his family.  Before we left, we went to look at a house for sale.  I am sooo in love with it.  But I am not getting my hopes too high.  We decided to make an offer on it after discussing it on our drive down.  We went to a Kinko's in Atlanta and had our realtor fax the paperwork to us and prompty faxed it back signed.  Now we wait...

We spent Saturday night at my brother's house eating and drinking and hanging with his family.  His little girls are too adorable for words.  Brooke is just at the cutest stage.  She calls Howard, "Auntie Howard".  I think by the end of the trip, she could have called him anything and he wouldn't have cared.  Anthony and Howard left to make a beer run and Suzanne and I were decorating the tree with Brooke and Paige when the following conversation happened. 

Suzanne:  Brookie, what do we make Santa for Christmas?
Brooke:  Cooooookies!
Me:  Does Santa like milk with his cookies?
Brooke:  Nooooooo.
Suzanne:  No?  What does Santa drink then?
Brooke:  Beeeeeeeeer!

Too funny!  We woke up bright and early Sunday morning and headed to the Eagles/Falcons game.  Anthony is an Eagles fan magnet apparently because somehow he managed to find 15 people, all Eagles fans plus Howard, to attend the game with.  He purchased 16 tickets in two rows on the 50 yard line.  They were great seats and it was a GREAT game.  We all tailgated together as well and there was tons of food.  I made my special ribs the night before and then heated them up on the grill the next day.  I was told by everyone that they were the best ribs they had ever tasted.  One girl told me that there weren't any ribs that could beat her recipe that uses a pressure cooker.  Then she told me she was wrong and her husband told her to throw out the pressure cooker.  Every single person wanted the recipe and I was then crowned the "Rib Lady".  Needless to say, since I can barely cook, it felt great :)

We had to leave to drive back to KY right after the game which was sort of a bummer but it was still a fantastic weekend.  And like usual, I don't have a single picture to show for it.

Happy Birthday Cole!

Happy Birthday Cole!  I cannot believe it's been almost 10 years since we met.  Insane!  I hope you have a wonderful birthday and I will see you at Xmas :)  I cannot wait!  Love you!

100th Post!

I cannot believe this is my 100th post.  Crazy!

Last night Howard was cleaning up the kitchen and throwing away some stuff out of the fridge.  He came into the living room and told me that he was putting the trash can up on the counter for the night so Copper wouldn't get into it. 

D:  Why don't you just take it out to the dumpster then?
H:  Because it's only 1/3 full.  That would be a waste of a trash bag.
D:  Well then find some more trash and fill it up.
H:  OK.  Come here Ratty (scoops up Jack and heads back to the kitchen).

I couldn't stop laughing.

***

I was running late for work Monday morning and I still needed to get gas.  I pulled into the gas station and hopped out of my car.  Before I could get to the pump, a little old lady at the pump next to me calls out, "Dearie!  Could you please come here for a moment?"  I had no time for small talk but I hurriedly walked over to her anyway.  It was then she asked me to pump her gas for her.  Really?  But of course, I couldn't turn her down.  I asked her what octane she wanted and she looked at me like I was speaking Greek.  She told me she wanted the cheap stuff and only $10 worth.  After I finished pumping her gas she asked how I did it.  Really?  Why not ask me while I was doing it.  She said she had never pumped gas in her entire life.  How is that even possible?  Probably because nice people like myself always do it for her.  She handed me $10 and got in her car and drove off.  No, that wasn't a tip.  It was for her gas.  I had to go inside and pay for her too.  But at least I did my good deed for the day.

***

A truck driver walked into my office this morning with some paperwork on some material she was delivering.  The truck driver was a woman.  Not that unusual.  However, she was wearing a frilly, blue, silk gown.  A truck driver.  Wearing a blue gown.  No joke, it looked just like this.

And I thought I had seen it all...

A Few Random Things

I decided that I needed more magnets.  Thirteen just wasn't enough.  So I ordered 20 more.  I really have no idea what my obsession is with them though.  I honestly don't have that much stuff to stick on my fridge.  However, I have realized they are good for other things...like making hearts :)

***

Howard drove through most of Saturday night and early Sunday morning to make it back to KY in time for football.  He asked me to meet him at Waffle House at 10 am Sunday for breakfast.  I was sitting in my car in the parking lot waiting for him when I see his car pull in...looking like this.

Apparently he and his brother decided to take his car for a spin around their farm the night before he left.  Notice there isn't much mud on the passenger side window.  I was informed that was because his brother was hanging out that window with the pellet gun shooting random things.  I was also informed no animals were harmed which was obviously my main concern.

***

Thanks to Amanda, I was able to find a gingerbread house kit at Bed, Bath & Beyond for $9.99 but since I went on Black Friday (biggest mistake ever), I got it for $7.99.  Score!  I put the house together and decorated it on the coffee table when I got home.  I got up to wash my hands and when I came back, both dogs were attempting to get close enough to it to eat it.  I went to move it from the coffee table to the kitchen table and the entire thing fell apart in my hands...before I took a picture.  Not a big loss though since they aren't nearly as easy to make as I remembered them to be.  It was nothing to brag about but at least it's crossed off the list.

***

 

And for any of you wondering how my Thanksgiving holiday went alone.  It was FABULOUS.  No pressure.  No manners.  No small talk.  I blasted Christmas music and cleaned the house from top to bottom.  I ordered pizza and Chinese.  I watched girly movies.  I slept in and stayed up late.  I ordered Christmas gifts online while lounging on the couch and watching reruns of 90210 (Technology is amazing).  I did what I want, when I wanted and it was awesome.
 

Happy Birthday Manda!

Not only is tomorrow Thanksgiving but it's also this beautiful girl's birthday. 

Happy Birthday Amanda!!  Sorry I won't be there to celebrate with you :(  But based on this picture, you won't need any help celebrating at all.  I love you!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope everyone has a fantastical Thanksgiving!  I will be sitting on my lazy ass at home alone watching football all day.  That's right.  ALONE.  First time I will ever be alone on a holiday.  Even Howard made it back to VA.  Now before you get all "that's so sad" and "awww, Dane, I'm so sorry", let me tell you that I am very excited about this.  Don't get me wrong, I love my family and friends back home and would love to be spending the holiday with them but it's just not in the cards this year for a variety of reasons.  And instead of focusing on the negative aspects of spending Thanksgiving alone, I have chosen to focus on the positive.  Mainly because feeling sad and me just don't mix.  I just can't do it.  So everyone enjoy your holiday, whichever way you choose to spend it :) 

Thanksgiving at Work

Since I am not making it home for Thanksgiving this year, we decided to do Thanksgiving dinner here at work.  My boss deep-fried two turkeys and grilled a glazed ham.  I was in charge of sides.  Because I am lazy and probably the worst cook on the planet, I took the easy route. 

Stuffing?  Sure.  I can handle that.

Green Bean Casserole?  Two cans of green beans, a can of Cream of Mushroom, some fried onions and milk.  Done.

Cranberry Sauce?  Easy as 1...2...3.

Then yesterday my boss tells me John and Hot Rod want Macaroni & Cheese.  I decided to go to Walmart this morning and pick some up from the deli section.  Except they didn't have any.  Hmm...OH!  I know! 

Macaroni & Cheese

I picked up three of those babies and a serving dish and while no one was looking, microwaved them all and poured them into the dish.  Voila!  Homemade Mac & Cheese.  I also picked up some rolls and two pies.  Once it was all ready and I had finished carving the turkeys, I loaded up my plate and went back to my desk.  A little while ago, I went back into the break room for some more soda and I received a standing ovation for my "hard" work.  If they only knew...

Spedicals!

Everytime Howard receives an email from the guy who oversees his soccer league, he forwards it to me so I can have a good laugh. For instance, this was an email he received on Monday.

I will get a make up schedule out this week. but i under stand numbers were weak last week.. To make up games will require some double header games,,I just want to make sure everyone will be there before i schedule the games. IF we can't fill 2 complete games should i go ahead and schedule the third?

And then Howard and I's exchange.

H:  Do you think he expects everyone to reply? He's so confusing and not straight forward.
M:  Don't you under stand,, that he needs to know IF people are going to be able to play in double header games.

But the email the guy sent out last night about the new Sports Depot that just opened up behing the mall in Paducah was just too stellar not to post.

[XYZ] SPORTS DEPOT grand opening is this saturday. with life radio remotes  for 5 straight hours, free t shirts, spedicals, the ban will be giving away water, Coum out and check it,, might be suresprises

Could someone please tell me what "life radio remotes" are?  Actually who cares?!  With spedicals and suresprises,, I wouldn't miss it for the world!  Don't forget the free water from the ban!  You better coum out and check it,,

Really?  Really.

So Sad...

I heard about this on the radio this morning and I felt sick.  When I got to work, I realized that this happened a block down from my work.  All the dogs that run around across the street are gone.  I just hope they find them good homes.  :(

Puppy mill found in Graves County

By Gerran Thomas

Story Created: Nov 18, 2009 at 1:12 PM CST
Story Updated: Nov 19, 2009 at 5:40 AM CST

Graves County, KY- Three people face cruelty to animal charges after nearly 60 animals were taken from a suspected puppy mill. Graves County Humane Society along with the Sheriff's Department found nearly 60 dogs living in horrible conditions outside a home in Hickory, Kentucky. Most of the dogs are malnourished and covered with mange and fleas.

A complaint from a woman that bought a puppy sparked the investigation. Denise Hunter, Michael Hunter and Wade Peterson were cited for misdemeanor cruelty to animals. The animals were taken to the Mayfield-Graves County Animal Shelter. Staff say the sudden increase in dogs will hurt an already financially strapped budget.

"It's going to be a huge undertaking," said Shelter Board Member Amy Hughes. "It will take a lot of teamwork, we will likely have to reach out to other shelters and rescue groups to see where to house everyone," Hughes added.

The dogs will be checked by a veterinarian soon. In the meantime, the Mayfield-Graves County Animal Shelter is accepting donations to help care for the animals. If you would like to send a check, mail it to the shelter at:

Mayfield-Graves County Animal Shelter
500 North 12th Street
Mayfield, KY 42066.

Little Red Ratty Hood

Statement from John

I got a phone call this morning from someone who told me it was urgent they get in touch with John for a statement.  He was out loading a truck so I couldn't get him on the phone (to my dismay).  I wrote the message down and went outside to give it to him. 

M:  John, this guy called for you and said it was urgent that you call him and give him your statement.
J:  Awwww nah!  What did I do this time?  I don't think I've done anything too illegal lately.  Wait...there was...nah, that was like 2 months ago.
M:  He didn't identify himself as a police officer or anything, he just said he needed a statement from you.
J:  Awwww nah!  I know what this be about.  I saw that girl fall off the truck. 
M:  What girl?
J:  This girl.  They were all drunk driving around and she fell off the back and then the other guy was so drunk that he turned around and then ran back over her!  She had a hole in her head.  I ain't lyin. I had tears in my eyes.
M:  Um, ok, yeah, that's probably what it's about then.
J:  She must be trying to get some money or somethin.  I might be able to get a case of beer out of the deal!
M:  Mmmhmmm.  Just call him when you are at lunch.

I went into the breakroom at lunch and asked if he had called yet which he hadn't.  He asked me to call and find out who it was to which I said no.  I walked with him to the phone and dialed the number and extension for him then left him alone.  He came in to my office a couple minutes later.

J:  Well, apparently I was just supposed to listen to some music.
M:  What?
J:  Well this girl answered and I asked for the guy you told me to and then she starting playing music like diddly-dee, diddly-doo, diddly-dee.  It was ok I guess but not really my kind of music.  After while I just hung up because they weren't going to play any Rock and I didn't really want to give a statement on the other stuff they played.
M:  (Speechless)
J:  Thanks though!

Date Night

Last night Howard and I did something that, in the history of our 3.5 year relationship, we have never done.  Dinner and a movie.  I know it's crazy.  That's like a typical date but Howard and I have never been typical.  I have been dying to see a movie in 3D ever since the Ice Age 3 debacle.  When I saw A Christmas Carol was coming out in 3D, I told Howard we were definitely going to see it.  And we did!  We met for dinner at The Big Apple Cafe in Murray and then headed over to the theater.

Two years ago, when we first moved to Benton, Howard's co-worker, Donnie, who helped us move in, gave us two free passes to the Murray movie theater along with a $5 concession voucher.  Since it's been more than two years since we've been to a movie theater, I still had them sitting on the desk in our apartment.  I figured they would definitely be expired but I grabbed them before leaving anyway.  To our surprise, they still worked so we only paid for the 3D glasses, a total of $4 for the pair.  Then with the voucher for the concession stand, we spent a whole $1 on popcorn and a soda.  Pretty cheap night at the movies! 

The movie was very good, although I am over my obsession with 3D movies.  The glasses made my eyes extremely dry and I was happy when a part near the end made me cry because it felt good to rewet my eyeballs.  I welcomed the tears.  Also, this movie was kind of scary.  It's rated PG but there was some parts I questioned as kid-friendly.  Even Howard said he might have nightmares.  But overall, we had a very nice night.  I'm sure we will do it again in another 3 years or so. 

I Heart Pizza Hut

Howard joined another soccer league for the fall season.  It's an indoor league with some of the same guys from the summer and it meets in Paducah on Thursday nights.  I met Howard at the gym last Thursday for the game, which he won, and then while driving home, had the following conversation with myself.

Hmmm...what should we have for dinner?  The Niners game is on tonight so I really don't feel like making anything too complicated.  Let's see, what do we have in the freezer...Skillet Sensations, eh, not feeling that.  We do have those Macaroni Grill dinners but I would need to stop by the grocery store and get chicken.  Blah.  Man, I really just want pizza from Pizza Hut.  I should call them right now and pick it up before going home.  Nope, can't do that.  Howard will just tell me that it was a waste of money since we have a frozen pizza in the freezer.  I don't want a frozen pizza.  I want Pizza Hut.  Why can't he just relax once in a while and enjoy the fact someone else made a pizza for us.  Who cares if it costs $10 more then that Red Baron pizza in the freezer.  Stupid Howard.  Fine.  I'll just listen to "Fireflies" on the radio and when it's over I will call him and tell him to figure out dinner.  Yeah, that's what I'll do.  Screw him for not ever wanting Pizza Hut.  He can just make dinner himself.

Not even a minute later...*Ring* *Ring*

H:  Hey, don't rush home to make dinner or anything, not that you were going to.
M:  Why?
H:  Because.
M:  Because why?
H:  Because I ordered a medium, cheese pizza from Pizza Hut and I'm picking it up on the way home.

We must be on the same wavelength.  The man read my mind. 

Love.

Droid & Unsweetined

I love coming home to find packages addressed to me.  Howard's mom sends him random stuff all the time so I get especially excited when the packages have my name on it.  So what if I ordered something off the Internet and have it delivered to myself?  A package is a package.  So yesterday when I got home from work I found the following...

THE DROID!  I am finally cool.  I've wanted an IPhone for a long time but was waiting for Verizon to come out with something similar so I wouldn't have to pay the early termination fees.  When I saw this came out on Friday, I went ahead and bought it for myself.  I literally saw that my friend Richie from high school and GMU had gotten it when he posted a status update on FB.  Richie was always technically savvy so I just assumed he had done a ton of research.  Later I wrote him and lucky for me, he hasn't changed.  Howard's co-worker also is very into phone technology and told Howard, "It's BADASS!!!!!!" 

When I saw this was coming out, I knew I was going to buy it.  I started it last night and though it's written in a style more like I write my blogs, I still had trouble putting it down.  I was already in bed when I read something I hadn't known.  I came running out into the living room to tell Howard.  He was on the phone with his brother.

Me:  Howard!  Howard!  Breaking news!!

Howard:  Hold on Dave, Dana thinks she has breaking news.

Me:  Did you know "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morissette was written about Uncle Joey?!?!?!

Howard:  Really?

Me:  Yeah!!  Ranger Joe and Alanis were dating back then!

Howard:  Hmm, tell Dave.

Me:  Dave!!  Did you know "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morissette was written about Uncle Joey from Full House?

Dave:  Um, yeah, I told you that like 3 years ago.

Me:  Impossible!  I would TOTALLY remember something like that.

Eh.  It was re-breaking news to me then.  I definitely won't forget this time though.